To Let Go
by PoisonRogue
Summary: A little bit of melodrama with Rogue and Gambit. Enjoy :


**_This is just a little bit of spontaneous writing, a bit of melodrama with the usual suspects Rogue and Gambit. Enjoy! :) _**

Things hadn't been right for a while. For a very long while if Rogue were to be honest with herself.

It had been a couple of weeks since he had left. The longest weeks of her life. What had started with pure anger and hatred, had now turned into loneliness and heartache. His parting words were that he never wanted to see or speak to her ever again and that he would be very happy if that would be so.

The worst part was that Rogue didn't really know exactly what could elicit such hatred from the man who had openly pursued her for so long. The only girl in the world who could not touch another human being. The only girl who was so closed off from the rest of the world, both physically and often mentally and he had broken through her defenses and stolen her heart.

They were known for their tempestuous relationship and their fiery, stubborn natures. When things were good, they were really good and when they were bad, then things were very bad. But it was the good times that had kept them so hooked on each other, that had kept him looking at her like she were the most beautiful woman in the world, that had kept them both feeling that life were just not worth it without the other. She supposed that those feelings were no longer there for him, that those boundaries had been pushed too far and for too long for him.

She hated to admit it to herself, but she missed those looks and she most definitely still felt that life was just not the same without him. He didn't love her anymore. He hated her.

Rogue guessed that she was just not enough in the end. That Remy needed the physical parts of a relationship that she just could not trust herself enough to even try and it hurt her to know that he sometimes found the physicality that he needed so much, elsewhere. He would never admit it, she was sure it made him feel guilty as hell anyway. But in those angry moments a few weeks ago, she had let slip that she knew everything.

At that moment she could not decide whether he had been hurt by her words, her accusations that he never really loved her and that now he was free to go spend the night with any woman he wanted, because she alone was not good enough. Maybe he had just been angered. She didn't even know if her wild, fantastical indictments were even true. For during her furious tirades, Remy had remained stonily silent and then only at the end revealed his true rage, he had had enough!

Rain splashed heavily against the window beside her and broken from her train of thought, she looked out the dirtied glass pane. New York City really was a one off place. Even in the depression of wintry rain, the city that never sleeps was still bustling with life and action. Suited business people rushed around in their uniforms of black, expensive umbrellas pushing through the tourists in their plastic overcoats and posing for pictures as though they were at Disney World.

Her hands rested around the steaming bowl of cappuccino on the table before her, the warmth traveling comfortably through the fabric of her gloves. She would never take them off with so many people around, not in public and not because she was scared. It just wasn't worth the hassle should her skin graze against another's, even for the shortest moment. People were unpredictable, fickle. You could never tell what they were going to do next.

She wondered where in the world he was now.

Whether he missed her. She doubted that very much.

At first when he had left, her eyes would scan every face in the crowd, every person in her eye line for just one glimpse of him. In her heart she knew he would not be in New York. Remy was a loner, he would get as far away from her as he possibly could. She knew him well enough to know that he would do that and even if he were in the city, he would do his very best to avoid her completely.

But still she hoped. She didn't do that anymore, not unless she saw someone with a similar tall, lean figure or dark messy auburn hair. It's funny how anyone with the slightest similarity to someone you miss and love can make your heart flutter in the hope that it is them. When it isn't though, the disappointment is almost overwhelming.

In truth, she never expected to see him ever again.

She picked up the large cup of coffee with both hands and bought it to her lips. This place had good coffee. Sometimes she would even let herself have a cupcake, as childish as it was. It's the little things that make you happy; she realized that now more than ever.

That was the problem with Remy. As flirtatious and flamboyant as he could be when he wanted, that wasn't the real him. It was all a show, to protect the real him inside. Once he had become more comfortable around her, the effort wasn't there anymore. The only thing that made her think that he loved her was purely that he stayed with her. It made Rogue sad that she hadn't understood why he had stopped being the way he was at first and toned down so much. Maybe he really wasn't happy. Or maybe that really was him underneath all the bravado. Who knew?

Still, here she was in a coffee bar in New York, looking out across the street watching every person who walked by and every part of her ached for him. Just to see him. She hoped he was happy wherever he was.

"One coffee to go please chere"

She could hear her heart thump heavily against her chest when she heard that voice. A cold shiver ran through her spine as she turned her head ever so slowly to look at the back of the person standing at the counter.

She would recognize that heavily accented deep voice of his anywhere. His tall lean figure stood motionless whilst he waited for his beverage, hands furrowed deep into the pockets of his signature long tan trench coat, his usual mess of hair was drenched. Rogue remained frozen, staring intently at him. He couldn't have seen her, he wouldn't have come in here otherwise.

She had dreamt of this moment for weeks and now all she wanted to do was hide, get out of his way. She didn't want to see the hatred in his eyes, or to be looked over like a stranger when he finally turned around and saw her. It would break her heart. She could quietly slip out now and he'd never know she had ever been there, but she was too late.

"Merci"

Rogue could feel her eyes widen as he twisted away from the counter and for the briefest of moments, she could see only stunned shock mar his features when he saw her. Remy was unreadable, years of being a con artist had taught him to do that and it was no different with her. He looked at her and at last tore his eyes away from her, bowed his head ever so slightly and walked calmly out of the building.

Without a second thought, Rogue grabbed her coat from its place on the back of the chair she had been sitting on and raced out the door after him. Her head turned left to right until she could see him walking quickly down the street to her left and swiftly she made a quick run after him, only slowing as she neared him.

"Remy!" She blurted.

His pace slowed and it took a while for him to turn around to look at her.

"What do y' want?" He spoke slowly, like he was holding back intense irritation that his day had been disturbed by an ex lover. Rogue held back the lump in her throat. She didn't want him to be like this, she didn't want him to hate her.

"Well hi tah you too" She went for the light hearted approach, hoping it might break the ice at least a little bit. It didn't. Instead he remained stoic and merely looked at her.

"It's good tah see you" She tried again.

"Wish I could say de same" He grumbled back at her and with that began to walk away from her.

"Remy please don't be lahke this" She begged walking after him. She wasn't going to let this lie.

"What do y' not understand about leavin' me de hell alone!" He spun back at her furiously. She wasn't surprised by his reaction; whatever he could give she could give back just as well. The only competition here was who could hurt who first and he certainly did not want to lose.

"Why do you hate me so much?" She tried the reasoning approach, but he simply shook his head, a look of utter disbelief on his angered face and went to walk away again.

"You've got no reason tah hate me!" She almost yelled, catching up to walk alongside him.

"Well I do! Now leave me alone, go live y' live and stop fuckin' up mine neh?" He was cold, emotionless. There was none of the Remy she once knew. He wanted her out of his life for good.

"How did ah fuck up yoah life? Ah miss you and ah'm sorry! Please don't do this" Rogue was surprised at how calmly she spoke. Maybe the thought of losing him was worth it to not respond with the same intense hatred he had for her. They say you have to love someone before you can truly hate them. Had she hurt him that much that he now hated her?

"It was like bein' married t' y' Rogue! Y' made m' life a misery! It's too late"

"Then why did yah stick around so long? Am ah really that awful that yah can't even be at least civil tah me?" She hit a sore spot then and the couple of seconds that elapsed seemed to last for hours as she waited intently for his next reaction. She saw his shoulders slump a little.

"Oui" He said at last, so quietly that she struggled to hear.

"Please don't do this" Her own voice was a whisper against the noisy New York backdrop. She knew that he had heard her though, as he remained unmoved.

"I'm an asshole oui? So why bot'er?" He asked frostily.

"Yoah not an asshole" She countered with a sigh. The weight of what she had said to him weeks ago hitting her wholly.

"Well I am" He replied resolutely.

Rogue couldn't fully understand why he was doing this. Had he given up on her completely? Written her off as a failed pastime? Was she really that easy to let go of? It was killing her inside to know that he no longer wanted her. That the very sight of her repulsed him so vehemently.

Silently, she stepped around to face him. Her neck stretching up to try and meet his eyelevel, it was fruitless attempt; he was much taller than her. His unique re on black eyes flickered to her widened green orbs, narrowing ever so slightly when they were at last face to face.

"You tell me ya don't care about me at all anymoah and ah'll walk away raght now and ah'll nevah bother you again" Her words were soft, but full of promise. Rain splattered in her eyes, her hair dampened against her forehead and face, but she didn't care, not one little bit.

"Leave m' alone" Was all he said.

He couldn't do it, she realized. He couldn't tell her he didn't care about her, but he could not forgive her either. She had stung him. Hit his weak spot and now he was afraid to let her back in save she make him feel that rotten again. She, the woman he loved had become his worst, most feared enemy. She could hurt him, but he would never show it. Remy LeBeau would love her forever, but he wasn't ready to let her back into his heart, if ever again.

She wanted to throw herself into his arms, have him hold her tight like some old fashioned movie, Gone With The Wind, Clarke Gable and Vivien Leigh style. Obviously she couldn't, but the urge was there. Yet she knew that she had to walk away from him. That was what he wanted. He had stolen her heart and her last will of vivacity toward him.

_'"**If you love somebody, let them go. If they return, they were always yours. If they don't, they never were."**_

That saying never ran more true to her than it did now. If Remy loved her enough, he would come back to her without her having to persuade him. She would miss him terribly, but there was nothing else she could do other than live in hope that he would return to her one day, as much in love with her as what she felt for him at that very moment.

She looked at him intently, taking in every angle and line on his face, like it were the last time she would ever see him. His sopping wet messy hair hung loosely around his face, drops of rain splashing against his skin. Oh how she wanted to reach out and wipe them away and just kiss him. If only.

"Ah'm so sorry Remy and ah love you" Her words were soft, meaningful and with one long last look into his gorgeous eyes, she stepped around him and walked away from the love of her life. She didn't look back to see what he would do. Maybe she would see him again, maybe she wouldn't. Who knew? She just hoped for the best for both of them.


End file.
